A situation I hate to be in…

It’s pretty baffling when your best friend falls in love with you and you don’t feel the same and this is one of the places I hate to be in. It earnestly is a vexing problem. It did happen a lot of times when some of my friends actually ended up having different feelings for me. I never thought something like that would happen again but it did happen and this time it’s my best friend. I meet a bunch of friends almost every day. We yak away about some of the unimportant things, especially when we girls are teamed up. And when boys are present we girls generally avoid talking about the girly stuff and carry on talking about non-sensible things and end up making fun of guys. I cannot stick in a group, I make individual friends. I’m close to only two people from the group and for the rest of them I’m like “Oh hi”, “Okay bye”. I have this friend; let’s call him ‘H’ for anonymity, a total stranger I met one time, then a Hi-Bye friend, then a Good friend, then a sweet friend, thena close friend, then my best friend.

We shared the most wonderful times together like every other friend does. There were some of the good days when we used to fight for silly reasons, those jokes we always cracked and laughed even if it made zero sense to the ones in the group, being a great support to each other, birthday celebrations etc. He’s been sweet, he’s been kind, he’s been emotional, he was typically filmy, and those dialogs of his make me laugh even now. I did get wrong signals from him a few days back when he tried to be unusually over caring. I knew he was very caring about his friends but I still didn’t get the clear picture about his new drama of being over caring. I almost kept away from him for a couple of days to get things straight.

The other day when we all got together, a not-so close friend from the group let the cat out of the bag about ‘H’. It made me go blank to know about it. I just walked away not even looking at ‘H’. I was kinda, erm, maybe confused, maybe wanted to punch him in his face, maybe ask him what he’s up to. It’s not his fault I know, but final decision at the moment is the worst part to formulate in the mind. I can’t be friends with someone who has some other feelings for me. I would feel uncomfortable each time I speak to him thinking “Oh gosh he loves me”. I also can’t afford to lose such a nice friend. Everything is so blur and I can’t think of adjusting myself to this fact. A couple of friends have asked me to sort out everything and just be friends. I will sort out things but am I gonna continue this friendship? Yes or no? I really don’t know. Gaa I just need time to think over it. And at the moment I hate to be in such a situation.

I prefer having an UNDO option in life. Jeee-sus!

To some of you reading - If you’ve been in such a situation do testify about what you’ve done after knowing your best friend loves you and you don’t feel the same. And people who wanna suggest me to do what my heart says, I confess my heart says nothing at the moment.

My name says it all…

I don’t really know why I had this thought today? What is the meaning of my name?


When I was 6 years old one of my dad’s associate pastors had taught me the meaning of my name. I know it sounds ridiculous to believe that I still remember something learnt at the age of 6. But you have to believe me. Esther means star. I’ve known three meanings of star; one of the celestial bodies visible at night, My teacher marking star in my homework book for Excellency, A person who has been outstandingly successful in helping others. However today I learnt more on my name. It’s a Persian word setareh which not only means a star but also means a morning star. I have investigated if I was a star like my name? I wanted to be one of a kind who can be successful in helping others. I may not have succeeded in helping someone everyday but have at least tried to find out if I could be of any help to the one in need. I feel great joy when I’m helpful to others and compliment myself for the great work.


The reason I stressed more on the meaning of my name today was because of my new neighbor who lives 2 floors above my flat. There were a bunch of people of my apartment waiting to take the lift, I was one among them. I immediately take the stairs as soon as i spot crowd waiting for the lift. Today I was tired and had to stand along with the crowd. Everybody was pathetically stuffed and I had no place for one step forward. I was like “Oh no you guys carry on”! There was a lady on a wheel chair waiting for the lift along with us. I wondered “Nobody cared to take her first into the lift and drop her at her place”. I started to stare at her and we both exchanged smiles. I looked at my phone trying not to feel conscious about why she was still staring at me? She looked at my phone and looked at me and asked me what class? I said, I’m working and as well preparing for higher education. She couldn’t believe her eyes (I can’t say beyond this, I look like a 14 year old). I asked her which floor is anyone….? And the lift arrived so our conversation broke! A man interrupted due to which I couldn’t look at her and continue to ask what I wanted to… as soon as the man left I asked her “is someone coming to take you or shall I……?” The man interrupted again saying “hello, I’m here to take her”.


The lady looked so happy when she knew I would have helped her and said that’s ok, you take the lift we will wait here. Because of the wheel chair only 2 could go in the lift. I asked them to carry on, as my flat is on the second floor and I could take the stairs. I felt so happy when she waved “bye” saying come home some day! Although this was just a 5 minute scenario, that lady would always remember me as a sweet neighbor, unlike others who took the lift leaving her all alone.

It’s a great deal to prove the existence of the meaning of my name. Anybody who feels happy helping a stranger? Do share it. :)