On how I miss her

I start off scribbling auspiciously about how sorry I feel for not being able to write. And one way or another there was a point in life (probably when I was living “The point A of life”) when writing was the only thing I felt better doing before going to bed. Now I don’t know where my whole time is being put in that I am not able to take that little time out for the precious words I hold within. Blog sphere is a place where I made good friends for life, some I lost and some I regained. And wow I love this world! I should mention this that I’m sure I will try to write here like before.

I was just sitting down the other day recalling all the changes that took place in my life within a course of few months. These changes were so dissimilar and new. And I’m so good at NOT adjusting to “changes” but good news is that I learned over the days on how to stride with these changes with a happy sort of face.

My sister is married for four months now to the guy she loved for nine years [Second longest possible love story I have come across in my entire life, first happens to be my parents’ :P]. The day they all have jointly agreed with the date of the wedding the first thing I did was- sprung off the ground, twirled around and held myself happily because I’d own the whole room (I been sharing with her for 24 years) for myself. Eventually I felt happier thinking about the maid of honour tag I’d dangle around, the food I’d get to eat and SHOPPING was the best part from my realistic day dreams. Truthfully for the kind of excitement I held it didn’t seem like it was her wedding it seemed more like mine. And as the wedding date kept drawing closer I felt “OH NO” it’s okay stay with me sister I don’t want this room for myself. Finally all of us got really busy with the arrangements and shopping that I couldn’t get that good last sisterly time to spend with her. All of us were nervous until the end of the wedding about a lot of things. She rode back to her in laws with her partner and waved a very happy BYE DADDY I’LL CALL YOU TOMORROW while my dad was actually with eyes full of tears. My sister’s husband pulled her inside the car and told her to not scream like that and she didn’t know how to act sentimental. She was funnily innocent like that.

After the wedding all of us only wanted to fly home and get some sleep. That night was pretty normal. Slowly guests started leaving to their homes and my house started getting empty and I was holding myself from bursting out because I started feeling so miserable already without her. My sister was the kind of a girl who was too loud. Even my watchman knows what happens one the fifth floor maybe, that loud. And the house turned all silent. Mum’s silent. Bro’s silent. Dad’s nowhere in the picture as he had loads of pending work to take care of. My home was empty in a week’s time after the wedding. I come to the room to sleep and she is not around to finish off her night rituals [face wash & night creams]. The mirror was full of dust and stains because I honestly don’t use it more than once every day. Her bed was empty every time I woke up from my sleep in the mornings. I’m used to looking at her first every morning. It was a very unusual experience. I only held myself together and cried remembering those cute memories we shared throughout our lives together. Silly fights, long conversations in the nights, being jealous about each other for weird reasons, laughing at our childhood pictures saying “Yuck look at you”, crying together, praying together and every tiny thing that related to me and her made me long for her so bad! I used to cry bitterly talking in the air “I need you around”. But slowly I adjusted to the change of not having her around all the time at home.

The special attention she gets every time she comes home makes me feel like getting married soon. Instead of asking me about my well-being people end up asking me “Hey, How’s your sister doing?”. And I feel like asking them “Is she at a war?” but end up saying “She’s good”. When she was around we probably gave less attention about what she does, what her plans were, why she stays silent and why she gets hyper. But ever since she left home we have gotten even closer to her. Marriages sure bring good luck [initially and I hope it’s until eternity]. She is doing brilliant and is happy.

It’s so difficult when one of your siblings move to another place forever yet it’s in a way really good because you’ll get closer to them. In my case of scenario “I’m under the spot light” at home and everywhere as I’m that second daughter left to be married and now people only say “You’re next”.

I was inspired to write this post when my mum told me yesterday that flat number 502 from my apartment [the guy from who I used to steal internet connection :P] moved to another place. So, my brother and I immediately asked her to inform my sister about it with the idea that my sister and her husband would move to our apartment. That only made me realize how much we missed her.

I still wish we were kids and I wish we just lived together until we grew up again. I miss you di.

“A place that is empty and has only you in it will never give you good memories as much as it would when you have your siblings filled in it” - Me