Summer 2010

When I was a kid, I always bounced with joy when I knew it’s gonna be SUMMER. I genuinely loved summer because it’s everyone’s vacation time. Everybody in this world would get holidays for two months (that’s what I would think). And everybody here includes the employees, the old, the rich, the poor and also my Granma’s pet. The other day I found a rack of old photo albums, which were all lined up neatly in the last row of a book shelf in my house. I tried to grab as many albums I could, there were so many that I almost had a notion about being on the ground, flat, with the albums on top of me. I relaxed, picked out the album in pink, then pulled out the rest of the albums one by one. I hate doing that. I mean working so patiently. I’d rather be on the ground than do the picking one by one business and pulled out a few at a time. I saw the pictures. Laughed. Smiled. Surprised. Wondered. Loved. Kissed. I felt like my body was present with the albums, but the pictures genuinely took me back to those days. The scenes were running at the back of my mind. I felt refreshed. I felt nice and awesome.

Mom interrupts and I’m back again in the weird present world. I look at mom, trying to still focus on the flashback that started to fade a few seconds ago, she leaves a bowl of strawberries, I look at the pictures and she joins me viewing them too. Mom gave me a sweetest smile and a confused look when I asked her “So we’re going back to those days together, mm-hmm.”

Summer 13 years ago

Mom used to pack all our clothes to send us to my Grandma’s house for every summer and would bid bye-bye enjoy summer and kisses along with it. She promised she will join us too, when dad is free. I never stayed without mom anywhere else. I grow more melancholy every hour without her. Granddad always waited for us near the huge gate of their house to welcome us home. And often would shoo rosy away from us. Rosy, was my granma’s pet (a Pomeranian), it always bowled me down. That’s the way a pet often gives you a special hug, innit? Grandma’s house was huge, she loved pets and my granddad loved TV. They were quite old. But always would entertain us with jokes and games. Sweet couple I’d never forget. I still remember those days when we cousins ate together in one plate. Fighting with pillows. Sitting under the stars on the terrace listening to ghost stories. Hugging granddad tight while sleeping. Eating mangoes. Playing with rosy in the evenings in the huge lawn. We would watch Tom and Jerry and roll on the floor laughing our asses off for no reason. But we just laughed because it was supposed to be funny. That’s what my older cousins did. So, we lil one’s did the same. Then later my mom’s bro was blessed with a daughter and a new cousin in the family. Summer again was fun with the new baby at home. I loved babying her. She was the prettiest of us all. She had rosy cheeks. Each time we fought for food in one plate, she would join us too. And we cousins end up feeding her first. I always wished to live with my cousins and grandparents forever and not just in summer. But things certainly change.

I looked at mom, and the pictures, then looked up at her again, and then looked away. Sigh. I miss those days I uttered weak in tone. She replied – I miss my summer days too.

Summer 2010

After granddad passed away, rosy left us too. Grandma left the house and started to live with her son. Things change so drastically. I never thought those days would end. I wish I had the chance to freeze something. I would freeze those summer days and would live them all my life. Summer now is quite different. It’s not the best as those days but it definitely is not the worst. Now for every summer my aunts and uncles manage to send their kids to my house. Most of them below thirteen, not of my age, but yeah we still enjoy the summer heat together. It’s the same, we eat mangoes, we eat together in one plate, we sit under the stars, bro and I scare them with ghost stories, laughs, jokes, love and everything is just the same. The difference is granddad and rosy are not with us and also Granma’s huge house. I love summer, because my cousins make it bright for me. They add life to it.

I shoved those albums back in the rack and bounced shouting, YAY it’s summer again.

PS: Enjoy the sweaty days. Happy summer 2010.

One smile at the stranger...and the story you hear next

One evening I was lazing around after a very tiring day. I found two messages in my phone, from the librarian who was asking me if I could return the books I’d kept with me for 3 weeks. I typed a message to him “How long are you open, I’m lazy, can you come and collect the books?”… I backspaced everything and started to type “Hey, I was just gonna return them. What a coincidence?” I backspaced all that I typed and started to type a fresh one. I wasted a bunch of time doing that. Although in the end I didn’t text him anything. I thought it was a good idea to return the books I been reading since three weeks and stop being the worlds worst procrastinator. I also imagined how the librarian would give me those looks when I go there. He usually never smiles. Maybe he never smiled ever in his whole life? Or maybe he's a gay? :| When I say “Hi, any new books?” he looks at me says “Hi” with a straight face. Oh okay serious boy, continue that. I’ll show my straight face too. I reached the library and looked at him with a straight face, placed the books on the desk and he asked me the code. My library card has this damn code I’ll have to tell him each time I return the books, he took the books and I paid him off the (whatever) amount I had to. He thanked me and I took a tour inside the library to check out for something very interesting. He then called out my name, and apologized for texting me about returning the books. I said, Oh no it’s fine. My fault I kept them for too long. He said “That wasn’t long”, but I had customers who were waiting for the books and I had no extra books, I’ll give them to you next week if you want them. I was just nodding my head in disbelief that I saw him smile at me while talking. Finally he smiled, I thought smilingly. And I walked out with a book called BPO sutra (Dont judge me, its a nice book), bidding bye to him.

The librarian was looking at me while I walked out, that’s what I felt. Oh boy! Don’t give that stare I mumbled. I walked as fast as I could and when I reached my bike I placed the books on the seat and started to dig in my pockets for the keys, and I smiled at a stranger who was walking right next to my bike. He was pretty old, looked like a granddad of 15 grandchildren or more. His grey thick moustache, his cargo shorts, his cap, his Reebok Tee gave me a picture of a retired army officer. He was holding a bag of veggies. He stopped when I shot the smile. I stopped digging for the keys too. I sort of had all weird thoughts before he began talking to me. He looked at me like as if I was one of his grandkids, and said:

Stranger- Hey! Let me ask you a question!

Me – okay? *blank*

Stranger – which side do you think is the handle fixed on a coffee cup?

Me – Err, *making actions with my hand like as if I held the cup with my hand and said* RIGHT.

Stranger - *looks at me weirdly*

Me- Oh no it’s on the *tries to make actions again, this time with the left hand and said* LEFT.

Stranger- *raises one eyebrow*

Me – Oh wait no, it depends on how you hold it though? Obviously. *straight face*

Stranger – Okay? You tell me with which hand do you hold the cup usually?

Me – Right (sometimes with both the hands)

Stranger – I hold it with left, but that doesn’t give a proper answer. *shrugs*

Me- Okay I give up, what’s the answer? *curiosity was eating me up, while I already started biting nails*

Stranger- well, the handle is obviously fixed OUTSIDE the cup.

Me- Ha Ha Ha :|

Stranger- what ha ha? Ask me why?

Me- Why?

Stranger- because when the coffee is inside the cup, how can the handle be inside the cup too? *Laughs loudly, bids a bye and walks off*

Me- :| :| :| *laughs, cries, laughs, cries, straight face* Not funny sir.

I looked around before I started my bike to see if anyone around heard that oh-so-very-funny-joke too? The librarian was standing at the counter laughed and signaled that the stranger was a retard! But wait, I saw my librarian smile and laugh for the first time! Feels nice when someone really wears a smile I thought. And I rode back home.

I spotted the stranger again, the very next day, talking to a very HOT girl about something. What a retard funny man! Don’t know what story he told her too. But he seems like a good entertainer!

He's just not that into you......

I’ve read this book two months ago “He's just not that into you” by Greg and Liz. The book is beautiful; it has no story line but it introduced the concept of responding to the letters written by several women relating to how confused they are about the guy they’re dating with. Greg had given a lot of solutions to these confused women. I enjoyed reading the letters people had written to him, and wondered what I would suggest to the lady who’d written it, if I were to be Greg. There were so many good points that were covered in the book. I recommend every lady to go forth and read that book, in case you’re dating the wrong guy, or your relationship is not running smooth like before. But, after reading the book I was so much inspired to write about some of the points about how relationships start and how they end, and how strong a girl has to be in handling such situations and also realize that the guy she’s dating with is “not just that into her”.

FRIENDS

Every relationship starts with friendship. You hang out together; you see each other like a lot. You talk to him over the phone for a hundred days now. Then maybe you think he’s the “Guy” for you, who fits best as the prince of your life. The guy also gives you too many compliments for you to digest, takes care of you like your mom does, and likes you the most out of all the other girls in the group. Then you keep waiting for him to ask you out. This rolls around somewhat early if you indicate the same likeness he shows towards you. He asks you out, and then you say yes.

(Sometimes the guy, who you think likes you the most, won’t ask you out. This is because he doesn’t like you the way you like him. Or in simple words he’s just not that into you, go see around if someone fits to be your hero and not waste your time on a person who can never ask you out.)

FIRST FANTASTIC YEAR

The first fantastic year of your love life is as smooth as a strawberry smoothie. You just gulp down the whole thing because it’s too yummy, yea? And sit with an empty can. You talk over the phone all night till your ears hurt. Listen to love songs and just day dream about your hero. You talk about him all day with your friends. You’re totally in love. You buy him gifts and greeting cards. You start writing poetry. You get this feeling that you will die without him and everything around including your family members is just a blur. All you see is your guy, who is not really sitting on a horse. He meets you every day, spends huge time with you, spends all his money over your clothes, takes you to every place you love visiting, holds hands, looks into your eyes, and says the most amazing words that you’ve ever heard. Just like a smoothie.

COMMITMENTS

Too many commitments like, I will die without you, and I cannot live without you blah blah blah are most widely known in every relationship. But how many of these known commitments are true? None of us have the answer. Maybe 10% out of the 100 keep up these promises they make but not all. And those 10% are the successful relationships. The rest are just failures. Before committing to someone just think once about how much you really mean those words.

(After the smoothie story it’s time for me to mention the most confusing points that arise in a relationship)

WHERE ARE YOU?

Some of you don’t inform your parents about your plans but would definitely tell your guy every bit of information such as where you are and with who you are, true? Read the conversation below

The girl gets a phone call from her guy:

Girl – Holy cow! Answers the phone – Hi baby I was trying to call you what’s up?

Boy – Nothing much, what you doing? Hears the background honks and laughs and yells on the road. And question changes. Where are you?

Girl – I’m out with a friend. I tried to call you but you didn’t answer the phone honey.

Boy – Hmm which friend?

Girl – my college friend sweetheart, remember I told you about sheetal?

Boy – Silence

Girl – Hello? Sweety? Say something.

Boy – silence

Girl - Tries to be stupid by giving explanations – sorry honey I tried to inform you about my plan but didn’t work out. I’ll be backing home soon and will give you a call so that we can talk lots!

Boy – Kay, have FUN.

Girl- Fun? Baby no fun without you.

Boy – disconnects.

(No one should have a problem with you hanging out with your friends. Do what makes you happy! And most importantly don’t let anyone take control over your life. In simple words if your guy is not happy with you meeting your friends then note he’s just not that into you and if you talk about informing him, you at least tried so not your fault.)

PLANS

You make plans to meet your guy, but he makes some other plans already.

Boy – hi my choco pie mwah

Girl – Hey shweetooo what you doing? Had lunch? I missed you so much.

Boy – Yeah I had my lunch. Never bothers to ask her if she had her lunch wah.

Girl – hmm what plans for the evening?

Boy – No plans... umm not sure though. Why? Doesn’t tell he had plans made with his friends already.

Girl – Lets meet this evening, what say?

Boy – Umm… I guess… Girl interrupts.

Girl- Okay done then I’ll see you at 5 pm at the same place.

Boy – tries to tell her about his plan – sweety actually... umm... will call you in a while…

Girl – kay lets meet at 5 at least say something about it?

Boy – I won’t be able to meet you...

Girl – why? Starts crying

Boy – Oh I guess I have plans to meet my friends I forgot about it.

Girl – fine.. enjoy…

Boy – doesn’t even realize the girl is crying!

Girl – what more?

Boy – Chalo I gotta get ready now. Will talk later!

Girl – Silence

Boy – Bye love you. *click*

(This happens most of the time, it’s not the guys fault either but he should have been clear at the first place when the girl asked him if he had any plans. If a guy is not SURE to tell you about his plans, then how SURE is he to marry you?)

I AM BUSY

And now you’re guy won’t have so much of time to spend with you. He starts making excuses “I’m busy”, “I have a meeting, sweety”, “I’m too tired”, “I want time for myself”. And so you start having mini-fights over these issues every day and every hour. You keep getting thoughts like “Is he talking to someone else over the phone?” “Is he dating someone else?” “Is he just making excuses?” And that’s when the relations start skating on thin ice. And maybe some of you like taking those excuses, which is brilliant.

AFTER A FIGHT

Your guy never calls you after a fight? What do you do? Consider yourself a down-to-earth-and-not-so-ego-maniac-person? And you end up making a call to your guy even if the fight was wholly started by him, nice. But wake up, how long are you going to do that? Even if you do this now, the credit is always taken away by him. Stop letting someone take you for granted. Wake up and be a princess because you don’t have to run around someone who’s just not that into you.

DISAPPEARS

One day after a fight your guy disappears and would never contact you. You try to contact him, and get back to him but things don’t work out. If someone disappears like that it’s not about their ego, you need to know that you’re dumped. And remember if someone disappears without letting you know anything then he’s just not that into you. You deserve the best.

There are just 10% of guys who LOVE their girls without any conditions (I know a few). I think everyone of us be it a girl or a boy should start loving without conditions, there wouldn’t be so many breakups at all in any relationship and lives would be super!

PS: Don’t let anyone take you for granted.

PPS: Guys please don't judge me.

Stranger in a Dream...

I was sitting with my legs crossed, leaning against the soft cushions that are covered with velvet and a furry cloth. I held a book in my hand trying to puzzle out whether it was the right time to read or not. I made up my mind not to read and dropped the book down on the round table at the coffee shop, and I catch a glimpse of you entering, dressed in a dark chocolate colored formal shirt and a good fitted trousers, with the spikes in your hair lacking order and your eyes sleepy, and the neck-tie almost loosen like as if it has lost the bond of the knot. I wrap my hands around the mug and began to sip the mocha I ordered 10 minutes before you entered. My eyes focused on the cup, all though I could see you occupying the table opposite to mine. You started apologizing to someone sitting at your table, who, I hope is not your girlfriend. I looked at you several times and you never looked at me.Your smile is one of the wonderful things that God has securely placed on your face. Even though I know you appeared to be really tired and sleepy you looked ridiculously fresh when you smiled. Like, as if all the things around you, including me, are candles and each time you smile, we are all lit bright. I saw someone snapping fingers in front of my face, asking if I was alive. Oh, I forgot that I had my friend sitting right here talking persistently about some really unimportant issues and I forgot to respond to her. You are so distracting.

I was stuck in a terrible traffic, with my hair all haphazard. I was tying my hair up at the signal and looked to my right with my mouth wide opened like as though I witnessed an explosion, you were right next to me in a car, sleeping like a baby with your mouth slightly opened facing the window of the passenger seat. I wondered if you needed fresh air or pollution. Or do you feel car A/C creepy-crawls you, like I feel? Your car was gone by the time I recovered from all the questions I had in my mind, and I get to hear various kinds of ‘BLEEPS’ from the fellow riders, because I was blocking their way.

I was at the birthday party, a not so cool party ever. I look around for some good company other than sibling Company. I was left with zero options to move out, so I sank in that ancient wooden sofa’s looking at my dad, while he talks some oh-so-very-important points about the birthday boy which reminded me of orkut (social network) testionials. Hello God help. I later heard someone announced a special number, by some name don’t know who that was, but honestly when I heard about solo singing performance it made me yawn a 1000 times/sec. I decided to text my friends, keeping the phone between my legs so that the old ladies behind me don’t start grumbling. I hear the guitar was strummed chord “C” and a very familiar song was sung by someone. I text bye-bye to my friends and looked up at the person who, is actually singing my favorite song. It’s YOU again? I couldn’t recover from the shock that you were strumming chords, singing my favorite song at a 2 year olds birthday party, who was already fast asleep before you even started the song. Huh? Really? After the dinner my dad stands and talks to your family, while you smile at him respectfully and that’s when he looks around to introduce us (his family) to yours. You look at me as I walked up to you with my mom, and signaled me about the coffee shop if I’m not wrong. What the cow? You saw me too? I blinked once…twice…thrice…while I still managed to smile.

At the background I hear – where the hell are my keys! Wake up you moron and gimme the keys, I'm late for work already, yelled my sister. I woke up, gave her the keys, back in bed and I woke up, checked the time and realized that the dream was not gonna continue. All I did was ……. AAAARRRRRRGGGGHHH!!!

“The stranger in my dream was someone I know, but that stranger doesn't even know I exist.”

Did you ever dream of someone whom you saw just like twice or thrice in your dreams and that person doesn't even know you exist?! Do share.

The Army Tanks

(Apologies for my long absence)

 It’s been almost a month now since I’ve posted something here, I totally missed filling this space with my random thoughts and the reason behind it is the kick start of 2010!  The letter to 2009 without much doubt had given 2010 a lil torture. To be precise 2010 has kept me real busy and I enjoyed these 29 days of this year to the fullest! But for today let me talk about the Army tanks.

I was never held an intense interest to learn about the whole army thing ever in life. All I knew about army people were that they were tall, sacrificial, punctual, short hair and sometimes no hair at all, some of them with turbans (Punjabis) and so on. One afternoon my bro (Danny if you’re new to this blog) had told me that there was an army air show going on in the city, and I wanted to attend because I get to take loads of pictures plus it would be fun, that was my idea on the nose. We fled to the place and we realized that there was no air show! We get the information from a few army guys there that the air show will be held some other day soon and we were not really disappointed because we had an option to come back anyway. But we met a colonel that evening who, walked up to us and asked us about how we got the AIR SHOW information, and he let us inside the grounds and asked us to go around and have a look at the army tanks. That was really nice of him to let us in. I really enjoyed learning about the army tanks even though some of the information went above my head. The best part of that afternoon was that I was allowed to go inside one of the amphibious armors, where I had to creep in till the driver’s seat. That amphibious armor was used for sea wars and creeping till the driver’s seat had got me bruised my arms; whoa these army guys are no wonder tough!

I’ve decided to put up some of the pictures I managed to click that day.

                                               Tank T90 used for tank vs tank battle ... 

                                                 Tank T 72 used for tank vs tank battle

                                                    ARV WZT 3 - This one weighs 42 tons

                                                 

                                        The chopper costs 5.6 crores (Its not for use now)

I know don't swear at me because I've added really less pictures for the post. I'll come back with another post sharing some more pictures of the air show I've attended. 

Good bye letter to 2009

Loving 2009,

It’s not really a nice thing to call you ‘LOVING’ because for the most part you’ve been shitty to the hilt. Accept it. But still I realized it’s not positively nice of me to be discourteous to you because it’s not your fault, it’s already my story that I’m living. And also I’m sorry that I’ve hated you all these days, I should more readily be thankful to you for spoon feeding me some of the amazing lessons. In 21 years of my life, only in 2009 I have experienced some bad thing or the other at the end of every month, which is sad. However at the end I feel like, all the bad things that happened are also coming to an end because 2009 you’ve taught me how to be through such kind of ugly situations. In the coming year I look forward to nothing so ugly to happen, even if it does, I’m ready. 2009, I hated you for departing some of the wonderful things from me, for taking some of the lovelies of my life, for setting boundaries to my smiles, for killing the happiness, for making me trust on people who are not worth it, and also for making me the laziest brat ever but today I say to you that it won’t be the same again. You will never come back again in my life, because today is the end of you, and a beginning of a brighter thing – 2010. A lot of unexpected relationships have been created this year, some of them have already broken but some of them are going to sit tight with me forever, so I thank you for those days. I made up my mind to make use of every single day of 2010, there’s gonna be a freaking change in my life, and it’s gonna be way awesome. You hear that? Be nice wherever you ended don’t come back and haunt me with those nasty things okay? Just remain in my diary like the loving-shitty-09, but don’t you ever dream of coming back to me because there is no place in my life for dimness. I still love you, for being 20% nice; you get an award for that. I’m hoping you’re reading this very important letter I’m writing to you. I won’t see you again. Thanks mega-loads.

And dear 2010, better be nice because I don’t wanna write a short letter to you, if you’re nice I will write a long one okay? ;-) okay!!

Love

Esther

Ps: Wishing all of you a bright 2010, may all your resolutions be followed, and keep smiling because that’s what makes you a perfect thing in this whole world.

On my Birthday

[Sorry for the long absence]

On November 23^rd a friend of mine, who saw me at a store shouted out with glee saying “countdown begins for the big day”. I kept mum because I didn’t care the least bit about which big day he mentioned indirectly until I checked my phone for the date. I realized he was dropping a hint about my birthday, and I was zero happy about it. Since then I found all the other not-so close friends ask me about where the party is held, what I would buy for my birthday, how many are invited etc. I wondered! The whole year was a big mess and was more or the less like a bullshit for me. I don’t know the exact reason about my whole year being one of the shittiest things ever, but I was not so excited and happy about my birthday or the celebrations. Every year my birthday is celebrated with family and friends. I spend huge time on cutting cakes that are sent to me by most of my family members. I used to go out and make sure to pick one of the best outfits for my birthday and spend good expense on those outfits, take friends out for lunch etc.

But this time the thought of birthday and shopping made me feel a little low than usual. I felt like jumping to 2010 without living the whole month of December. But nothing works the way I want it to especially when it comes to dreaming or desiring. I felt ridiculous that I was being so lame and I decided no matter how bad this year was to me, let me do something that would really make me happy and make me be a blessing to others. Trust me the moment I started to push the negative shit aside and started to think positive, my new year began. I told my dad not to announce anywhere that I am celebrating my birthday this year and asked him not to make plans for any big celebrations. I told him I’m not buying those expensive outfits this time, and requested him to give that money to me (in hand that is). He asked me “why I needed the money and not those expensive outfits I buy for my birthday every year”. I told him I’ll contribute it to the needy.

I’ve been waiting for a new beginning all this while and I realized that every good thing you think about and every good thing you do, is a beginning of a great thing. I’ve turned 22 on December 23^rd and I celebrated my birthday with some of the cutest kids of this planet. These kids taught me the value of life, most of the time we keep thinking about the things we lack, and never realize about the best we have. These kids live in an orphanage, and they know that they have no parents but just guardians. Yet they smile at the problems and the facts they face. When they sang happy birthday song to me I felt like stopping the time and freezing the day so that it never ends. I had one of the best birthdays ever, because I know those expensive outfits don’t smile at me, but the goodies I gave the little ones will sure make them smile. I’ve contributed thousands of rupees at the orphanage so that the guardian buys whatever is needed for them and I also have bought those lil kids cute Santa hats and smiley badges and other cute goodies. And I’m sure my birthday was a happy day for them. Now, that’s what is making me the happiest soul on this earth.

I’m sharing some of the pictures I clicked on my birthday.

Life, I shake my fist at you.

P.S: Merry Christmas and a very Happy New year