On how I miss her

I start off scribbling auspiciously about how sorry I feel for not being able to write. And one way or another there was a point in life (probably when I was living “The point A of life”) when writing was the only thing I felt better doing before going to bed. Now I don’t know where my whole time is being put in that I am not able to take that little time out for the precious words I hold within. Blog sphere is a place where I made good friends for life, some I lost and some I regained. And wow I love this world! I should mention this that I’m sure I will try to write here like before.

I was just sitting down the other day recalling all the changes that took place in my life within a course of few months. These changes were so dissimilar and new. And I’m so good at NOT adjusting to “changes” but good news is that I learned over the days on how to stride with these changes with a happy sort of face.

My sister is married for four months now to the guy she loved for nine years [Second longest possible love story I have come across in my entire life, first happens to be my parents’ :P]. The day they all have jointly agreed with the date of the wedding the first thing I did was- sprung off the ground, twirled around and held myself happily because I’d own the whole room (I been sharing with her for 24 years) for myself. Eventually I felt happier thinking about the maid of honour tag I’d dangle around, the food I’d get to eat and SHOPPING was the best part from my realistic day dreams. Truthfully for the kind of excitement I held it didn’t seem like it was her wedding it seemed more like mine. And as the wedding date kept drawing closer I felt “OH NO” it’s okay stay with me sister I don’t want this room for myself. Finally all of us got really busy with the arrangements and shopping that I couldn’t get that good last sisterly time to spend with her. All of us were nervous until the end of the wedding about a lot of things. She rode back to her in laws with her partner and waved a very happy BYE DADDY I’LL CALL YOU TOMORROW while my dad was actually with eyes full of tears. My sister’s husband pulled her inside the car and told her to not scream like that and she didn’t know how to act sentimental. She was funnily innocent like that.

After the wedding all of us only wanted to fly home and get some sleep. That night was pretty normal. Slowly guests started leaving to their homes and my house started getting empty and I was holding myself from bursting out because I started feeling so miserable already without her. My sister was the kind of a girl who was too loud. Even my watchman knows what happens one the fifth floor maybe, that loud. And the house turned all silent. Mum’s silent. Bro’s silent. Dad’s nowhere in the picture as he had loads of pending work to take care of. My home was empty in a week’s time after the wedding. I come to the room to sleep and she is not around to finish off her night rituals [face wash & night creams]. The mirror was full of dust and stains because I honestly don’t use it more than once every day. Her bed was empty every time I woke up from my sleep in the mornings. I’m used to looking at her first every morning. It was a very unusual experience. I only held myself together and cried remembering those cute memories we shared throughout our lives together. Silly fights, long conversations in the nights, being jealous about each other for weird reasons, laughing at our childhood pictures saying “Yuck look at you”, crying together, praying together and every tiny thing that related to me and her made me long for her so bad! I used to cry bitterly talking in the air “I need you around”. But slowly I adjusted to the change of not having her around all the time at home.

The special attention she gets every time she comes home makes me feel like getting married soon. Instead of asking me about my well-being people end up asking me “Hey, How’s your sister doing?”. And I feel like asking them “Is she at a war?” but end up saying “She’s good”. When she was around we probably gave less attention about what she does, what her plans were, why she stays silent and why she gets hyper. But ever since she left home we have gotten even closer to her. Marriages sure bring good luck [initially and I hope it’s until eternity]. She is doing brilliant and is happy.

It’s so difficult when one of your siblings move to another place forever yet it’s in a way really good because you’ll get closer to them. In my case of scenario “I’m under the spot light” at home and everywhere as I’m that second daughter left to be married and now people only say “You’re next”.

I was inspired to write this post when my mum told me yesterday that flat number 502 from my apartment [the guy from who I used to steal internet connection :P] moved to another place. So, my brother and I immediately asked her to inform my sister about it with the idea that my sister and her husband would move to our apartment. That only made me realize how much we missed her.

I still wish we were kids and I wish we just lived together until we grew up again. I miss you di.

“A place that is empty and has only you in it will never give you good memories as much as it would when you have your siblings filled in it” - Me

More than one thought

A big Hi to that one thought that’s eating me up on routine occasions like I’m one of its most favorite fruit or a chocolate or a meal or a deal. Please get your foot off my mind because I know what I did was right. You didn’t have to walk up here and mess the whole space in my mind with your not-very-needed jazz. I see you creeping in when I sit alone, when I watch TV, when I listen to music and even when I talk to anyone. You stand there making my mind boggle as to why you are here watching me? You behave like I invited you for dinner. Even if I probably did, I don’t intend to be your meal. Leave me alone in case you think I am nice. Allow me to breathe because I’m pretty suffocated when you are around. Take a leap and walk out the window in case you are struggling for fresh air like me because you seem to be pretty bored staring at me without a pause.

Do you need a ride? I could show you some beautiful places for you to sit. Oh, dear thought you messed my head so bad that I’m starting to have several kinds of you everywhere I look, every time I pause, every time I half-smile. You’re not very important to me that I should care. But honestly we are glued together in a situation where I can only talk to you in the air and you never listen. Are you not tired of me because I play twenty-twenty questions with you? Or are you a simple nerd who loves being questioned. But it’s sad my love that you don’t answer. You little thought get yourself off that head of mine before you end up in a crucial state. Or I should be the one who has to ignore the fact that you ever existed in me. And I know you’re still up there listening and nodding a yes. But its time I shut my eyes and get back to sleep.

Oh and hey stop buzzing in my ears like an irritating insect while I’m asleep.

One thought led me to this. Seriously!

[This was written when I ended up having a rapid change in mood. Now when I read this, I giggle. And that thought is now dead for good].

Happy Weekend.

Girls talk endlessly..

A very formal hello to all my fellow bloggers, hope everyone’s keeping good health and are moderately shining brighter than the sun. Here I am again back to writing after being virtually half-dead and now feeling almost resurrected. So, I thought I should write because that’s been one of the things I’ve felt better doing, always.

So, of-late I had this question tossing in my head about why we girls end up talking so much and how we take pride in ourselves on the quality of being garrulous. On the internet if you see, especially on the discussion forums, I've seen boys and girls plainly fighting over this not-so-important topic. They say girls like to vent, they enjoy talking, girls have different brains than men da-da-da etc! However, I don't want to get deeper on this subject for the reason that I know that men do the lesser talking and more of switching their minds on a lot of other things that do not have any connection to the subject by the time the girl takes a halt in the usage of her words. Trust me not all girls get annoyed when someone's not paying attention to their very unspecified jazz, but there are some of them who can annoy you [i.e., if you're a boy reading this] with their questions like where are you, why don't you talk to me these days, you've changed etc. I just wanted to share a few random conversations that came to my mind when I really got deep into thinking on how girls talk.

1) OMG I just said a HI:

Boy: Hi!

Girl: Hi, what's up? Where have you been? Did you not check the number of missed calls on your phone screen. I tried contacting you, but it looks like you're way too busy with your girlfriend. Come on I'm your first friend and you should seriously learn on how to respect that.

Boy: How are you?

Girl: Don't ask. I'm pissed off and you're asking me howwww-I-ammmmm? *lengthens those words*

Boy: brb
Never gets back!

2) How have you been?!

Boy: Hey how you been?

Girl: :-(

Boy: What happened?

Girl: Please don't ask!

Boy: [dumbest possible thing he'd do is force her to tell what the issue really is] I'm your friend you can share, ya'know? [Yeah right]

Girl: Of course. Actually my heart is aching :( I have a weird head since morning. Last night I had no good sleep. And today I feel like my heart is tearing apart. I feel like sulking all day in bed and I feel like crying my eyes out. Its been a while I feel like this and I have not a single reason for my behavior. I know its not my fault and I know I'm not being the person I was supposed to be. I have my own choices too. Do you know what I mean?

Boy: Okay? [He has no clue what she's talking about]

Girl: I want a hug. I want to be alone. I want to stand up and walk on my own. I don't want this life. I want a new life. I want a rewind button. :( *boo hoo*

Boy: [Boy is confused and ends up asking] Are you, like, fine?

3) Tell her she is pretty:

Boy: OMG look at you?

Girl: What? *turns around*

Boy: You're pretty!

Girl: Aw come on! *initially blushes* and later - You're such a liar. I haven't even washed my face. All I did was to get up from sleep and come to see you. Look at my eyes, they look so dropped down because of no eye-make up at all. And look at how dull I look in these warm colored clothes I'm putting on. I haven't even worn proper pair of socks beneath. And I have a bad hair day. Just take a look at these curled up strands. And you call me pretty?! I'm in my night suit sweety, what happened to you?

Boy: Okay, you're not pretty.

Girl: I told you, you're a liar.
*starts a fight until the boy calls her pretty in her night suit and until he says that she looks much better with the curled strands than the straightened hair*

Boy: *takes a deep breath*

Girl: Aw, sweety I love you!

Boy: *Oh yeah*

4) What are you doing?

Boy: What are you doing?

Girl: Me? I'm just trying to stay calm. Trust me its such a crazy day at work. I have some professional problems with my boss. And I just ate lunch. Did you eat? *interrupts without even listening to the answer properly* So, I was saying, my boss is such a jerk. He does not know what he talks. He's a big fat buffalo like really and he weighs probably the same as those black buffaloes do. I have a feeling that he probably chewed some grass in the morning for breakfast which is why he is carrying such a lousy behavior at work. And guess what we got our salaries today, yay I'll be going to the ABC store and get those DEF branded shoes for 123 rupees. So, I was talking about my fat boss. He has no clue who he's messing with, does he?! Arrrgghh he's so annoying.
Anyway, what you doing?

Boy: *does not listen fully about the fat buffalo boss but thinks about the random meetings he has to attend after an hour at work*

I'm just sitting. What you doing btw?! *pratially forgets what she was talking about*

Girl: Oh Jeez. Okay, I was talking about my boss. *continues the same story*

But hey, its just not the girls. I suggest you to talk to a guy about his favorite sport (or anything of his choice) and I bet you'll get the whole of wiki filled in your ears!


Well, we can't individualize on why guys speak less and why girls speak more. Both have a balance when it comes to speaking less or more. The whole thing is that we girls carry whimsical personalities when it comes to "topics to talk about".


And when girls and girls get into talking...?! The world looks BIGGER! xD


Hope you've got heaps of freedom this year. Happy iDay! ♥

On who I think I am..

I remember writing something here when I couldn't get to eat an ice-cream. I'm here writing again after successfully making it happen. Though I haven't thoroughly enjoyed the ice-cream today, I still like the way we sat with the ice-cream cup in our hands. Speaking quite candidly, I sort of had a real crazy head while pillion riding again. I was forming pictures in my mind, of the same fall and my lil head scraping with pressure on the road. It was just for a normal five seconds. After that it was just the way it had to be, awesome. So, life gets busy at one point or the other. And I mysteriously managed reaching that point. Just wanted to update about a couple of things I been going through all these lovely days.

On being emotional : After the accident, I realised that life is sure not a game and it brought me too close to God. I know how important every second is. Somethings have been messed up for quite sometime and I been waiting in hope that it would get straightened someday or the other. I used to have absolute mood swings every now and then and I didn't quite learn on how to keep up pace with life. I was never ready to be patient at most cases but still tried to act patient and used break down from within. At times it got really difficult for me to recognize changes in life. For example, I used to sulk and be jobless the entire day and all of a sudden I don't see myself having even a minute time to have a look at myself. Most of all, I needed one friend I could really really talk my heart out to, even though I had I ended up missing out on chances. Out of the busy schedules that I've been under, I missed mom. I see her every morning but I don't get to throw my emotions on her. I needed time maybe a LOT of it just for myself. And hope sometimes had gotten hopeless which in a way was good.

On being a weirdo : After my accident I happened to be on a bed rest for 2 weeks as my leg was being plastered and I was asked to take good rest. I was on a medical leave and I was so happy about it. Not about my leg, but about the leave (certainly). There was this friend I knew from a long time, who kept asking me a couple of times to meet her. I thought okay I should because anyway I was bugged up at home for like 10 days. I needed change before I'm back to work. I ignored almost every possible thing and met her. Yes with the plaster on my leg. After a long conversation and after I slowly finished chomping on my kfc zinger, she asked me if I was free for the evening. And I said yes. She asked me to doll up because we were going for a fashion week show that evening. Yay, super excited and blah. I still went with the plaster to the show because I wasn't going to be on the ramp anyway all I had to do was sit in one place. We entered and we got our seats. To my right somehow I seen a couple of people who were talking to a gentleman. I gulped huge amount of redbull that was given away for free, and turned to the people next to me again. I seriously know not, why?! My eyes were fixed on the gentleman standing tall, oh-so-bright-and-very-handsome who I know for sure wasn't looking at me even a bit. Later, I found myself burying my head in my arms because he was the director of the company I am currently associated with. I hid myself as much as I could. Nevertheless, he did see me at the fashion week. Well, I was on a medical leave btw. When I whined about this, some lovely people of my life told me that I was recovering and no one has any right to question me. Well. I kept that in mind :D

On being a normal person : Emotional stuff had gotten me really weird for a while. I know it keeps happening now and then. But at this point in time, I feel myself way too happier than before. And all that gives me this joy is my faith in God. Because I believe that he makes all things bright and beautiful in His time. I feel like I'm back home. To the place I totally belong. I'm trying to LIVE 100%. Oh, if you wanna know. My leg is fully recovered. I'm back to work. And I had the best time with cousins this summer.

I shall write soon here with more fun stuff!! <3

In just one MINUTE

She was pillion riding on the bike at a very normal speed on a flyover glancing at the street lights that seemed like shining yellow-orange dots in a dark space, thoroughly enjoying the pleasant weather with cool breeze blowing in her hair. She dislikes the smell of the ugly pollution but loves sharing some giggles with the rider every now and then which was making her the happiest of all on earth. Then she gets a quick idea to bless the mouth watering imagination about the ice-cream that she's gonna have after the ride with the rider but somehow the imagination broke as she was alarmed by the sound of a squeaky brake thats coming from a distance.

Her heart was quite NOT HAPPY knowing the fact that someone's gonna fall and maybe break a couple of their bones, she prays that nothing happens to that person who's losing control of the bike. She experiences a crazy doubt sweeping in her when the sound of squeaky brake, broke louder in her ears, how'd she know that she was gonna experience the most scary stuff for the first time in her entire life in that one minute? Her face felt cold and her heart went numb when the bike she was pillion riding on swung disastrously and she realized that someone who was supposed to be breaking bones else where has happily bumped into them in a great speed.

She had a sympathetic fear touching her heart while she hits her head on the ground, which made her feel that "GOD WAS CALLING HER HOME" and she thought maybe today is the day when she will be bidding goodbyes to earth and a huge hello to, err, probably Heaven? One thing that she wished for was that she and the rider stayed alive for a little longer because there is much to accomplish here. She was slowly reacting to the fact of what had happened within a span of no time, she widely gazes at the rider who's in a shock. She tries to pull her leg that's been lying under the bike for a normal 40 seconds after the bike crashed.

After a moments time she was on her feet, slightly limping and glances at the rider one more time with a clear vision to make sure things are fine. Though she couldn't bear to see the bruises of the rider. Her head was not in one place but revolved around something - "We're ALIVE". And the next thought again was "YEAH I know we're ALIVE".

Let me break it properly - This has been my first accident. Something that shook me a lil more than needed. I never got to eat that ice-cream I was craving for that day. We, ended up at a local hospital giving some details to the doctor and hearing people whisper in their ears "they met with an accident" and seeing pity in their eyes made me feel like crying beyond all hopes. No, we're seriously okay. At least now? WE'RE BETTER.

But, I've learned just one thing out of this whole thing, I SO WISHED FOR LIFE when I seen the face of a disaster coming my way. You won't know what happens in the very next moment of your life. Instead of an ice-cream cup in the hand, I was holding medical prescriptions with bruises on the arm and on the leg. Luckily my head didn't bleed nor did I go through some designer stitches :\ But yeah, I've had an egg-shaped bump on the head for quite sometime. But the fear of losing life was one thing that shook me the most. And one thing I'd wanna confess is that - There is nothing better than living happy in life because when you know you're life here is beautiful, you'll actually live happy when you leave this earth.

Stop cribbing. Stop crying over things that don't belong to you. Stop selfishness. Go do something that makes you and the person next to you happy. And most importantly, pray.

Now SMILE :-)

Colorful Love

Yellow grass and green music

Blue air and white skies,

Red song and turquoise lyrics

Silver water and black fire,

Holding them all together

With shining stars in the hearts,

Breathing lavender & fruit

Sitting on an orange so cute,

Sliding through the glass of blue

Riding on the clouds so pink,

Talking to the moon at noon

To paint the sun blue & silver,

And build our house on a golden star

Blinking white never to fight,

Floating in colors we’ll make things right,

Smiling so aqua

Splashing purple lemon soda,

Dipping us in yellow and bright

To give you a chocolate hug too tight,

Because our love splendors

In many such colors!!

I know I barely make any sense, but yea love is crazy and it can get colorful often times. And this is how mad one can get when in love =P

Facebook

Having a blog of your own and keeping it in a no life state is not cool. So, I am positive about writing here and keeping this thing alive like before. Welcome me back on blogger for the 100th time now. I pinky promise I'll keep writing.

Here are a few fresh funny things I wanted to share about Facebook. One major question I have always had was - What is Facebook?

And the answer that I have is - Facebook is unlike vampires who suck blood, facebook sucks all your time, right. And every living thing, has a facebook account. Lets see what Facebook generally does to people.

NEWSFEEDS

Me : What's up..?

Friend : Not much, long time how are you?

Me : I'm okay, haven't seen you around lately. How are things?

Friend : What are you saying? I am always around. Are you not on facebook? Don't you read my newfeeds on your wall?

Me : Err, well, I meant ... *Friend interrupts*

Friend : Go login and check my status messages!

Me : :-| Okay.

Friend : Hey and guess what? I joined cityville hehe *giggles*

Me : Huh?

THE PICTURE MANIACS

A group of friends were clicking pictures and were perfectly giggling and blushing while seeing how their pictures turned out in their cameras. Every where I could hear, "ooooohh I'm so gonna upload this one for my profile picture", And another yell from another girl "Aw, look at you. I'm gonna tag your boyfriend in this picture". Another happy and a squeaky voice "OMG look at this, I'm soooo gonna upload this one on HappyDent, we're gonna win the contest". And everyone burst into saying "WOWS" and "OOOOS" and "YAYS".

Well, facebook.

WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?

Good day.
Bad day.
Life sucks.
Life's Beautiful.
I hate him.
I love her.
Is sad.
Is bad.
Is mad.
*eeeeeeeeeeee* :)
*Boohoo* :( :-|
Is in LOVE.
Just Broke up.
New Love.
Finally Married.

And the status messages go on. From personal to professional, from crazy to horrible, from wow to now, everything is typed for their status updates. And you get 32 likes already!

Well, Facebook.

DEPRESSED LOT

So, I was wondering, if devdas was on facebook, he'd have had deactivated his account a hundred times to get his love back. He'd have clicked on block and unblock options several times on Paro's profile, to ignore her and his tiresome case of blues.

People get so depressed and get angry with themselves, and they think Facebook is the major reason.

Are you annoyed with someone?
Are you depressed in life?
Do you have exams?
Do you think TIME is one of the most important ascpects in life?
Do you think you don't like Facebook?
Are you unhappy today?
Do you hate stalking profiles?
Did you break up with someone?
Do you want some time off for yourself?

If its a YES, YES, YES? Then deactivate Facebook.

I POKE YOU SO MUCH

Some of them never reply to the text messages you type to them, but they do poke you on Facebook. Which is like a blur clue to you saying - "Hey, I'm alive and poking, just that you know, I was really really busy with work, I couldn't reply to you :( Anyway, will poke you after you do. Mwah."





MY FAMILY IS ON FACEBOOK

I seen a lot of friends who have their whole family on facebook. Mumma, dadda, brother, sister, uncle, aunt, several cousins and their cousins. Facebook sure connects people well. They know how to be one of the billion users of facebook, but they don't have a clue on how to use the privacy options. They get caught in some mysterious things and end up in arranged marriages.

Well, Facebook.

FACEBOOK BECOMES A PART OF YOUR CIRRICULUM VITAE

Get yourselves ready to add "I AM ON FACEBOOK" in your CVs before you go for interviews.

CHANGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS

The other day when I was at a wedding, a very close friend of mine took a deep sigh of relief after the wedding got over. I confusedly happened to ask him why he was so relieved? Like he successfully dusted something off his hands. He said "Now they can happily change their relationship status on Facebook, from single to married". That had gotten me burst into fits of laughter. While everyone turned around giving me a look of murder.

Oops!! Facebook.

These have just been a few random things that I could think and write, although there are so many things to talk about when it comes to facebook and the people in it. I was inspired to write this only after I realized my uncle the other day when we met at the wedding, happened to tell my parents "Hey, they're all in my friendlist on Facebook", and we siblings were looking at each other in horror.

Well, uncle, you're in the privacy list :-P

Facebook everywhere!

Thanks Mark Z.